A framework for the whole person

Mental

Mindset · Purpose · Resilience
"Time is currency: what you trade your time for, is what you become."
— My Inner Framework, 1.3 Personality

1.1

Contentment

Built on Seligman's PERMA framework — the five building blocks of a contented life.

Martin Seligman's PERMA framework provides a solid foundation of key elements for contentment to build your life upon:

  • P — Positive Emotion
  • E — Engagement
  • R — Relationships
  • M — Meaning
  • A — Accomplishments

From personal experience: if your days feature positive feeling, stimulating interactions that titillate the brain, constructive relations, purposeful decision-making and evidence of progress, life is at least good — perhaps even great.

1.2

Purpose

Your ikigai — the unique reason you get out of bed in the morning.

What gets you out of bed in the morning? What is your ikigai? What are your guiding principles?

We are not all here on earth for the same reason. Your purpose for being, and idea of meaning will be nuanced, and unique.

As a doctor, caring for patients and noting differences in their experience of sickness has taught me much. I think the degree of distress directly relates to baseline life satisfaction, and reflects the Greek philosopher Epicurus' idea of true pleasure; ataraxia, defined as "the absence of pain in both the body and soul". Illness is physical, but modulated heavily by mental, emotional, social and spiritual factors, that all affect your will to live, and how you live.

The feeling that life is meaningful usually comes from knowing what you want, and actioning your intentions for personal and communal contentment. It denotes looking after yourself holistically, others, and the ideas that you believe are important.

1.3

Personality

"I am" affirmations grounded in your actual actions — a mirror of who you are becoming.

Time is currency: what you trade your time for, is what you become.

Keep a list of "I am" affirmations that reflect your actions. For example, if you practice kindness daily, volunteer at a charity, make your friends laugh, play sport, show up to work on time, you can include the following:

  • I am kind
  • I am charitable
  • I am funny
  • I am sporty / active
  • I am punctual

This is a simple way of reflecting on who you are, and who you are not. Do you live like the person you want to be?

1.4

Resilience & Learning to Fail

Adopt a Growth Mindset. Fail smart: analyse, revise, retry.

A Growth Mindset will allow you to catalyse your future

Fail smart: If you fail, simply analyse the situation, identify weaknesses, revise your skills, and then try again.

As per Angela Duckworth's book Grit:

  • (Talent + knowledge) × effort = skill
  • Skill × effort = achievement

Grit bridges the gap between talent and achievement. Embrace the grind. Be a student of life — a lifetime of learning yields positive outcomes.

Good enough is enough

Perfectionism is an abstract concept. It should not define your reality. Put in the work, and just do your best. It's exceptionally hard to have regrets when you give your all.

1.5

Habits

You are only as good as your systems. Make good habits easy and bad habits invisible.

James Clear's Atomic Habits nicely explains the importance of habits. I suggest you read his book for a comprehensive understanding on the topic.

For good habits, focus on:

Making it obvious and easy:

  • Design the environment
  • Schedule
  • Habit stack
  • Have implementation intentions

Making it attractive:

  • Fun
  • Rewarding
  • Convenient

For bad habits

Make them difficult, dissatisfying and invisible.

1.6

Hobbies

Life is short. Carve out time for the things that bring you joy.

Life is short, and busy. Carve out time for fun activities.

If you have no hobbies, I strongly recommend you try new things, and find something you didn't know you loved.

1.7

Holidays

Mini-adventures throughout the year. Tranquillity is found in nature.

Aim to do mini-adventures each year. I aim for at least 3.

Tranquillity: is found in nature, and large bodies of water. Avoid solely visiting a different urban area when you travel.

Be curious about the world. Life is beautiful. Look for the wonder in the world.

1.8

Mindfulness & Grounding

Daily reflection on gratitude, good deeds, meditation and breathwork.

Gratitude visit

Reflect on 3 things you are grateful for today.

1 good deed

Reflect on 1 good deed you performed today.

Meditation

Guided or solo meditation for 10 minutes.

Deep breathing

If you struggle to meditate, aim to do at least 10 breaths, with 4 seconds of inhalation through your nose, and 4–6 seconds of exhalation through your mouth.

1.9

Engage with the World

Have an opinion. Read history. Contribute your thread to the tapestry of knowledge.

Have an opinion

Politicisation emboldens the individual — it inspires passion, and stimulates community engagement in ideas. Do not be a passenger. Unopposed bad ideas will rot society to its core.

Read history

Heed George Santayana's words: "those who do not learn history are condemned to repeat it".

Contribute to the tapestry of knowledge

Everyone has a thread.

  • Write something
  • Measure something
  • Make something

1.10

Motivation

You are currently living your legacy. Make your actions count.

The beginning, and everything after, is only meaningful because of the end.

We all have a date with death, and it's important to think about how we want to die, and who we are when we die.

At your funeral, what will people say in your eulogy? What story will be told?

  • You are currently living your legacy
  • Make your actions count
  • Build the person you want to be

1.11

Be Assertive

Hold yourself with self-respect. Learn to say No. Set boundaries.

Hold yourself with self-respect

Stand tall, back straight, shoulders relaxed.

Learn to say 'No'

Be polite, but not overly agreeable — these people get trampled. Saying 'No', or speaking directly will feel overwhelmingly direct at first, but with time you'll grow accustomed to it, save time, and be able to self-advocate.

Do not apologise for your preferences or needs

Your needs are valid. Use language such as: "Do you have a moment?" or "Could I please talk to you". Avoid: "Sorry to bother you, but…"

Practice boundary setting

It's essentially picking time and place for conversations, and self-advocating for a reasonable course of action or timeline:

  • At work: "I can do Task A, or B, but not both"
  • At home: "I can prep dinner, if you pick up the kids from sport"
  • In a relationship: "I'm exhausted from this weekend's social events, and need some personal down time"

1.12

Take Risks

"A ship is safe in harbour, but that's not what ships are for."

Exercise your risk muscle

  • Dare to dream
  • Dare to do
  • Take calculated risks, and follow them through. Don't die wondering, or losing sleep over "what ifs"

Risks result in reward, and sometimes ruin

Live fearlessly, but not stupidly. For example, gambling is risky and stupid. AI agent polymarket arbitrage is potentially smart, if it ends up being profitable.

"A ship is safe in harbour, but that's not what ships are for." — John A Shedd

Risks are essential to progress — you have to venture out in life, just be wary of the storm.

It's ok to fail

Live and learn. Hindsight is a privilege.

Emotional

Love · Intelligence · Stress
"Authenticity is essential for belonging. Conformity is a threat to your true sense of self."
— Brené Brown, as cited in My Inner Framework

2.1

Love

Learn to love yourself so you can love others. Be authentic. Be brave. Be vulnerable.

Learn to love yourself, so that you can love others.

Be authentic — Brené Brown

  • Authenticity is essential for belonging — conformity is a threat to your true sense of self
  • Authenticity is married to connection — perfectionism is a threat to self-acceptance

Love is different to attachment

  • Bring out the best in each other
  • Be brave, be vulnerable
  • Enjoy and appreciate your partner's personality, quirks, and time
  • Do not go into a relationship looking to fix someone, out of insecurity, or desperate loneliness
  • Avoid the 4 horsemen
  • Life and love is a journey. Couples that grow together, stay together

2.2

Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Maximise joy, gratitude, compassion. Avoid the four horsemen.

I strongly recommend reading Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience by Brené Brown.

Traits and states to maximise

  • Freudenfreude
  • Joy
  • Contentment
  • Gratitude
  • Compassion
  • Self security
  • Grounded confidence
  • Humility

To minimise or avoid in yourself and others

  • The 4 horsemen: contempt, criticising, defensiveness, and stone-walling
  • Humiliation
  • Shame
  • Dehumanising

2.3

Intimacy & Sexual Health

Built on consent, safety, connection, and communication.

Great intimacy is built on a combination of things:

Consent

  • Be on the same page, and direct: "Do you want to have sex?"
  • It's ok to say "No"
  • If you're unsure, then don't. Sex is a physical, psycho-social phenomenon that is experientially intense, and can have a lasting impact
  • Does this correspond to your religious viewpoint?

Safety

Built on trust. Use protection (unless intending to fall pregnant). Sexually transmitted diseases are common, potentially life-long or difficult to treat. Discuss with your doctor regarding protection, and know the basics of common infections including chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhoea, herpes, HPV, HIV, and hepatitis B.

Connection & anticipation

Do you really like this person? Making love when you are in love (or falling in love) is better than casual sex. The decision and enjoyment of sex is the product of an accumulation of moments prior — every gesture, embrace, thoughtful act, and word of endearment.

Communication & feedback

Respect each other always. Explicitly state boundaries: DOs and DON'Ts. A partner who cares for you will want to pleasure you and appreciate guidance. Do not pressure your partner into acts that cause pain.

A note on pornography

Unfortunately porn is society's main educator on sexual practices, however is often aggressive, dehumanising, and unrealistic. Keep sex simple and focus on respectful practices. If you watch lots of porn and experience little pleasure or excitement around sex, porn is the problem.

Hygiene

Females should pee post sex.

2.4

Stress Management

Identify your stressors. Identify your de-stressors. Have a routine.

Identify stressors in your life

Everyone gets stressed. All you can aim to do is minimise the number of stressors, and therefore the cumulative stress that you suffer in life:

  • Emotional: toxic friends, toxic family, toxic partner
  • Mental: toxic workplace
  • Physical: toxic coping methods (drugs, alcohol, nicotine), shift work, excessive caffeine

Identify de-stressing activities

Meditation, mindfulness, sport, specific friends, family, colleagues, hobbies, holidays etc.

Have a routine

Your brain uses less energy on regularly completed activities. Develop good habits.

Social

Community · Awareness · Kindness
"If you're not paying for the product, you are the product."
— My Inner Framework, 3.2 Dopamine Detoxification

3.1

Friendship

You get out what you put in. Tell friends what they need to hear.

You get out what you put in

  • Relationships require effort
  • Remember to host events
  • Remember to ask how people are going
  • To be a true friend, there will be times where you should say what your friend needs to hear, rather than what they want to hear

It's important to share this opinion when a friend is battling addiction, self-destructive practices, or lacks insight on a critical issue (be it family, work, health etc).

Find like-minded people

Like attracts like.

3.2

Dopamine & Social Media

The algorithm exploits your reward circuits. Reclaim your attention.

Social media

If you're not paying for the product, you are the product.

In this modern attention economy, be aware of how social media addicts you to scrolling. Doomscrolling benefits conglomerates and advertisers, NOT YOU. They do not care for you. The algorithm is designed to take advantage of you.

Variable reward schedules

Your brain's reward circuit has expectations around seeing enjoyable content. Each good video is a dopamine hit.

Reward prediction errors

The unpredictability of when that good video will appear keeps you scrolling. Each scroll is like pulling the lever on a slot machine. A dud video elicits no response, however an unexpected good video delivers a dopamine hit. This creates patterned, reinforced behaviour, the more you doomscroll.

Environmental hyper-sexualisation

Sex sells, and amoral or immoral people will use this to take advantage of you. These industries do not care for your wellbeing, just your pockets. Falling prey to OnlyFans, porn, and certain influencers will fry your reward circuits over time. Reduce the extent these industries feature on your social media feed, preferably to zero.

3.3

The Obesogenic Environment

Design your social calendar to protect your health. Learn to cook.

Humans love salt, sugar, and fat

Historically these foods were in short supply. We aren't designed to eat the abundant, cheap, highly processed foods now easily accessible. It's important to ignore the fast-food hot spots.

Design your social calendar and events

If eating out, opt for healthier choices.

Learn to cook healthy food

Home cooking is essential for living a longer, better life.

3.4

Networking

Make friends, not enemies. Stand tall. Be generous with your time.

  • Make friends, not enemies at work, even if your colleagues are often your competition
  • Attend work events
  • Collect contact details (be it a phone number, or on social media)
  • Stand tall, and have a firm handshake
  • Smile, or at least look approachable and personable
  • Dress to impress — you never know who you'll run into around the block
  • Be generous with your time and attention; take on a mentee, compliment people

3.5

Kindness

A little kindness goes a long way — and it's free.

A little kindness goes a long way, and it's free.

Kindness has a funny way of circling back: better to give and receive kindness, than unkindness.

Physical

Body · Nutrition · Recovery
"Being strong, especially as you age, will improve your quality of life and keep you moving for longer."
— My Inner Framework, 4.5 Muscles

4.1

Skin & Microbiome

Cleanse, moisturise, sun protect. Embrace ageing with grace.

Acne

If cystic or abscess-like, see a doctor. Identify triggers — caffeine (especially energy drinks), sugar, stress, hygiene (using old towels), hormones (puberty, menstrual cycle, PCOS).

General skin care

  • Eat healthy
  • Avoid your modifiable acne triggers
  • Use fresh towels (change bath towel at least weekly, gym towel every couple of days)
  • Face: cleanse with a cleanser, then moisturise
  • Body: skin pH neutral (~5.5), sensitive soap. Avoid over-washing to protect your skin microbiome

Sun care

  • Use sunscreen from a tested, trusted brand with appropriate SPF
  • Avoid high UV exposure — be active morning and evening rather than midday
  • Cover up with clothes and a hat
  • Seek shade
  • Wear sunglasses to protect your eyes

Embrace ageing

Death comes for us all, and so do wrinkles. Age with grace, and embrace your lines. Unless we hack the biological programming responsible for ageing, your organs (your skin is the largest) will inevitably deteriorate. Do the basics above. Anything ancillary has financial cost and unclear pay-off — be cautious.

4.2

Teeth (Dental Hygiene)

Brush, floss, fluoride. Dental health often reflects overall health.

Dental health is often a reflection of overall health.

Standard routine

  • Brush twice daily with fluoride containing toothpaste, and a soft-bristled toothbrush
  • Brushing technique as per your dentist (gentle, vertical motion, predominantly targeting gums)
  • Avoid ingesting liquids in the 10–15 minutes post brushing
  • Floss daily
  • Avoid carbonated and sugary drinks and foods
  • If you do consume them, drink plain water afterwards

4.3

Vessels (Blood Pressure)

Possibly the single most impactful health metric to control over a lifetime.

There are doctors out there that believe the most useful thing they can do for you across a lifetime is "help control the blood pressure".

Optimal BP-friendly diet

(Assuming no health problems. If you have health problems, talk to your doctor.)

  • Regular exercise
  • Protein source: primarily fish, chicken; occasional red meat; no cured meats
  • High potassium
  • Low salt
  • Low fast carbs (e.g. sugar, white bread)
  • Low saturated fats
  • No alcohol
  • No smoking
  • Weight loss if indicated

If the above is not cutting it, you'll need some extra help from your doctor.

Intermittent fasting

An occasional fast of 24–48 hours to promote some useful autophagy is potentially beneficial. You can probably achieve the same effect by just having salad and protein, and prevent too much muscle breakdown.

In general aim to have either eating windows (6–8 hours) and otherwise fasting, or eating meals as: large breakfast, medium lunch, small dinner. Snacking is generally unhelpful.

4.4

Lungs & Heart

Protect your VO₂ max with HIT or Zone 2 cardio.

Look after your VO₂ max.

HRmax = 220 – age

High Intensity Training (e.g. Norwegian protocol)

  • 4 mins at 85–95% HRmax
  • 3 mins recovery
  • Repeat 4 times
  • 3 sessions per week

Zone 2 cardio

  • 60–70% of HRmax
  • Talk test: can converse with someone, but can't sing
  • Cycling, running, fast walking, rowing, swimming all fit

4.5

Muscles

Stronger muscles, fewer injuries, better quality of life as you age.

Stronger muscles mean greater functional capacity and reduced injuries. Being strong, especially as you age, will improve your quality of life and keep you moving for longer. Aim to have a strong core, hips and lower body.

Steroids will kill you faster. Please don't do them.

Stretch daily

It's like targeted relaxation therapy for your muscles. A lot of common problems, such as back pain, can be partially avoided with stretching.

A potential routine (30 seconds each exercise, on each side):

  • Calf stretch: standing straight-leg calf stretch
  • Quad stretch: standing quad stretch
  • Hamstring stretch: touch your toes
  • Hip stretch: lizard pose, half pigeon pose, low lunge
  • Spine lengthening: child's pose

4.6

Nerves

Train coordination through tai chi, dance, and reactive sports.

Your muscles and nerves are a package. You should train your muscles and nerves.

Ways to keep your nerves sharp

  • Tai chi is an evidence-based method that prevents falls later in life, and is relaxing
  • Any coordinated activity where you move your body in response to or with someone else
  • Ballroom dancing with a partner and background music
  • Sport (e.g. fencing, tennis)

4.7

Joints & Bones

Run on grass, swim, lift sensibly. Calcium, vitamin D, and sun.

This one is tough, because your bones require forces going through them to promote architectural strengthening, however such forces wear out your joints over time. The solution? I don't have one.

General advice for joints

  • Probably best to avoid marathons
  • Run on grass
  • Swimming is a great aerobic, non-impact activity
  • Lifting weights is good, but regular 'super-heavy' lifting is arguably counter-productive long-term

General advice for bones

  • Lift weights
  • Adequate calcium intake
  • Adequate vitamin D intake (and sun exposure)
  • For females: discuss menopause with your doctor

4.8

Diet & Microbiome

Whole foods, fermented foods, fish, legumes, olive oil, avocado.

Calorie intake

Use a calorie intake calculator based on your size and exercise status.

Microbiome

Eat organic if financially possible — the less pesticides and chemicals you ingest in your lifetime, the better off you'll be.

Friendly foods:

  • Fruit
  • Vegetables (especially leafy greens)
  • Nuts and seeds
  • A variety of microbe-containing foods in moderation, e.g. fermented foods such as sourdough, sauerkraut, perhaps kombucha

Dairy-based foods such as yoghurt have an unclear benefit in my opinion. I think it interesting that humans choose to have milk products (of other animals!) into adulthood. I generally avoid or minimise such products.

Inflammatory foods to minimise: highly processed foods such as fast food, anything deep fried, cured meats.

Protein intake

  • To maintain muscle: 0.8–1.2g per kg daily
  • To build muscle: >1.2g per kg per day
  • Prioritise fish, poultry and legumes; occasional red meat
  • Muscle growth is stimulated by a protein-containing meal — more meals means more muscle building, but avoid eating too regularly to protect your vessels long-term

Post-workout

Ingest a small amount of fast carbohydrate (e.g. honey) to help replenish your muscle's glycogen. Your muscles supposedly won't rebuild until glycogen stores have been restored. Ingest >25g of protein within 30 minutes of a workout. I opt for a plant-based protein and avoid whey.

Carbohydrates

  • Sourdough bread (Glycaemic Index reduced further by freezing/toasting)
  • Boiled potato (avoid baking/frying — this increases the GI)
  • Pasta
  • Whole grains (minimally processed)
  • Rice (unclear if same or worse than above)

Plenty of good fats

  • Extra virgin olive oil
  • Avocado

4.9

Fertility

Minimise plastics. Eat clean. Stay vaccinated. Practise safe sex.

Minimise plastic

Microplastics are being found everywhere — from heart vessels to semen. Minimise plastic in your home; use:

  • Wooden cooking utensils
  • Glass food storage containers
  • Metal cookware
  • Metal cutlery

For males

  • Eat clean
  • Exercise
  • Ensure vaccinated against Mumps
  • Safe sex: avoid contracting STDs
  • Avoid tight underwear; ensure underwear is breathable
  • Avoid excessive heat to genitals — no laptops on your lap, avoid saunas when trying for a baby

For females

  • Eat clean, with enough calories to have a period
  • Exercise
  • Ensure vaccinated against HPV (potential indirect effect on fertility)
  • Safe sex: avoid contracting STDs

Infertility

Defined as the inability to fall pregnant after a year of regular, penetrative vaginal sex.

4.10

Sleep Hygiene

Routine, cool room, no screens before bed, eat 2 hours prior.

Develop a routine

  • Put your phone on charge, on sleep + silent mode, with a pre-set gentle wake-up alarm
  • Glass of water
  • Stretch
  • Shower
  • Brush your teeth and floss
  • Mindfulness
  • Meditation
  • Fall asleep

Sleep principles

  • Regular bed time
  • Regular wake time
  • Ideally avoid screens in the hour prior to bed
  • Eat at least 2 hours prior to bed, especially heavy or fatty meals
  • Limit caffeine during the day, especially the afternoon
  • Sleep in a cool, comfortable bed
  • Sleep long enough to feel rested

How do you sound when you sleep?

What does your partner or family say about your sleep sounds? Do you snore? Do you mouth breathe? Are there long pauses? Worth chatting to your doctor if you breathe abnormally.

Do you feel restored post sleeping? Worth chatting to your doctor if not.

4.11

Identifying Health Triggers

A thorough history makes most diagnoses. Find a GP you trust.

Most diagnoses in medicine can be made with a comprehensive history.

For any problem you ever have, jot down when it started, what you were doing at the time, any other associated symptoms, and how it impacts your life. Armed with this info, you (with or without a doctor) will hopefully be able to figure out what's going on with your body.

Personal example — asthma triggers

  • Exercise
  • Pollen
  • House dust
  • Cats

And so I've learnt to exercise in a specific asthma-friendly way, minimise the 3 environmental allergens in my home, and underwent de-sensitisation therapy to these allergens.

AI is useful, but cannot be fully trusted

Doctors, especially with the imminent help of AI, are often helpful in navigating medical problems given their training and medical literacy. Find a family physician or GP that you like.

4.12

Health No-No's

Don't smoke. Don't drink excessively. Don't use recreational drugs.

There's better ways to have fun. Drugs are a world of badness.

Do not smoke (including vaping)

  • Nicotine addictions can be hard to break
  • Super-heated inhaled substances will do damage

Do not drink alcohol excessively

  • If you do drink, avoid fast/heavy carbohydrate drinks
  • I opt for an organic wine at social occasions

Do not do recreational drugs

Cocaine, weed, MDMA, amphetamines, methamphetamine.

References & Further Reading

  1. Seligman MEP. PERMA and the building blocks of well-being. J Posit Psychol. 2018. doi:10.1080/17439760.2018.1437466
  2. Duckworth AL. Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. New York: Scribner; 2016.
  3. Clear J. Atomic Habits: An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones. New York: Avery; 2018.
  4. Brown B. Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience. New York: Random House; 2021.
  5. Solzhenitsyn A. The Gulag Archipelago. New York: Harper & Row; 1973.

Written by Dr McIntosh