Great intimacy is built on a combination of things:
Consent
- Be on the same page, and direct: "Do you want to have sex?"
- It's ok to say "No"
- If you're unsure, then don't. Sex is a physical, psycho-social phenomenon that is experientially intense, and can have a lasting impact
- Does this correspond to your religious viewpoint?
Safety
Built on trust. Use protection (unless intending to fall pregnant). Sexually transmitted diseases are common, potentially life-long or difficult to treat. Discuss with your doctor regarding protection, and know the basics of common infections including chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhoea, herpes, HPV, HIV, and hepatitis B.
Connection & anticipation
Do you really like this person? Making love when you are in love (or falling in love) is better than casual sex. The decision and enjoyment of sex is the product of an accumulation of moments prior — every gesture, embrace, thoughtful act, and word of endearment.
Communication & feedback
Respect each other always. Explicitly state boundaries: DOs and DON'Ts. A partner who cares for you will want to pleasure you and appreciate guidance. Do not pressure your partner into acts that cause pain.
A note on pornography
Unfortunately porn is society's main educator on sexual practices, however is often aggressive, dehumanising, and unrealistic. Keep sex simple and focus on respectful practices. If you watch lots of porn and experience little pleasure or excitement around sex, porn is the problem.
Hygiene
Females should pee post sex.
Social
Community · Awareness · Kindness3.1
Friendship
You get out what you put in. Tell friends what they need to hear.
You get out what you put in
It's important to share this opinion when a friend is battling addiction, self-destructive practices, or lacks insight on a critical issue (be it family, work, health etc).
Find like-minded people
Like attracts like.
3.2
Dopamine & Social Media
The algorithm exploits your reward circuits. Reclaim your attention.
Social media
If you're not paying for the product, you are the product.
In this modern attention economy, be aware of how social media addicts you to scrolling. Doomscrolling benefits conglomerates and advertisers, NOT YOU. They do not care for you. The algorithm is designed to take advantage of you.
Variable reward schedules
Your brain's reward circuit has expectations around seeing enjoyable content. Each good video is a dopamine hit.
Reward prediction errors
The unpredictability of when that good video will appear keeps you scrolling. Each scroll is like pulling the lever on a slot machine. A dud video elicits no response, however an unexpected good video delivers a dopamine hit. This creates patterned, reinforced behaviour, the more you doomscroll.
Environmental hyper-sexualisation
Sex sells, and amoral or immoral people will use this to take advantage of you. These industries do not care for your wellbeing, just your pockets. Falling prey to OnlyFans, porn, and certain influencers will fry your reward circuits over time. Reduce the extent these industries feature on your social media feed, preferably to zero.
3.3
The Obesogenic Environment
Design your social calendar to protect your health. Learn to cook.
Humans love salt, sugar, and fat
Historically these foods were in short supply. We aren't designed to eat the abundant, cheap, highly processed foods now easily accessible. It's important to ignore the fast-food hot spots.
Design your social calendar and events
If eating out, opt for healthier choices.
Learn to cook healthy food
Home cooking is essential for living a longer, better life.
3.4
Networking
Make friends, not enemies. Stand tall. Be generous with your time.
3.5
Kindness
A little kindness goes a long way — and it's free.
A little kindness goes a long way, and it's free.
Kindness has a funny way of circling back: better to give and receive kindness, than unkindness.